A Deep Dive
I’m just going to dive deep into the roots of my doulaism (yes I’m pretty sure that’s a real word) and I’m inviting you to join me. Firstly, the word doula has Greek origins and is translated loosely as a woman’s caregiver or woman’s servant. I think the later translation is probably more accurate. I’m okay with that both translations and use them mutually when discussing what a doula is and how it relates to birth work. I’m very honoured to call myself a doula as I truly believe that this type of service work is a calling. My journey started well before the information I put up on the about page and I have my mother to thank for it. When I was about 6 or 6 and half years old, I used to watch a young woman, who was new to the neighbourhood, going for fast paced walks everyday. For several months she would do this after she returned home from work. I would say ‘hi’ to her as she walked in front of our house if I was outside playing with my younger brother. She was always polite and would smile a warm smile and say ‘hello there’ back to me.
As the colder weather approached she still walked everyday and soon I noticed that she couldn’t close her jacket anymore as her belly was growing. I asked my mom why this woman just didn’t buy another winter coat, to which my mom answered, ‘oh it’ll probably fit her again next winter, because she’s growing a baby’. I was super excited, but also a little confused and asked my mom tons of questions about growing a baby probably everyday. Well, one day my mom was tired of giving me one liners and quick answers and decided to give me the full details on baby making, birthing, infant care and breastfeeding. She ended the discussion by telling me that we can help take care of the new baby on the block and the new parents by dropping off food when the baby arrives and helping out whenever the new parents needed something. A few quick months later the baby arrived and not only did my mom send food, diapers and old burp cloths to the new baby, she also sent me over to their house to ‘watch the baby’ while the new mother had a shower or did some cooking for herself (my mom was always outside so she could see in our neighbour’s patio door where the baby’s play pen was kept). Even though I knew my mom was literally 10 feet away, I felt very grown up and also very honoured to be included in this very special time with mother and child.
My mother continued to foster my interest in caring for infants by arranging a tour of the neonatal unit for me when I was 10 years old. I eagerly soaked in all the information the nurse told me. It sounded challenging, terrifying yet rewarding. At the age of 11 I started my babysitter career, first looking after my younger brother, then for a couple down the street. Soon my best friend and I started sharing babysitting clients and business was booming. Although, I enjoyed playing with children, having money to spend at the mall with my friends on the weekends seemed to crowd my teenage mind and pulled me away from my service work. My mom again provided a gentle push in the child development department by including me in her own growing business, her music school. I taught movement to the younger children while they waited for their music lesson with my mom, I accompanied on piano for some of the singing numbers for the young children’s choir she had. My last memory of holding a newborn before leaving for university was a young mother who had asked my mother for advice on something that complete escapes me now. My best friend at the time was soon to be married and another newborn would enter my life, albeit briefly as I started to grow farther and farther away of helping new mothers and more immersed in my sport at university and figuring out what exactly I wanted to be.
For an undergrad, I choose Recreation Therapy and specialized in children and physical disabilities. For a few years after university I struggled with finding a job that fit both recreation therapy and children into the same sentence. The children’s hospital in my city didn’t have a recreation therapy department, and my home town had absolutely nothing in my field. After a few stints in recreation therapy jobs that had nothing to do with my interests, I finally landed myself a job working with children and youth who were blind and visually impaired, deaf or hard of hearing. It inspired me to pursue a Master’s in Education thinking that I would zero in on the transitional periods of a child’s life. I didn’t stop there, I focused on life transitions of a family with special attention on the mother’s life transitions.
Enter long distance love, marriage and a move half way across the country all within about 10 months. I started a new job, this time as a recreation therapist for a Children’s Treatment Centre. Although I enjoyed many aspects of the job, my passion was parent education and would attempt to work it into my job any chance I got. During the next 5 years I had three children with the same wonderful birth doula. She made me feel safe, supported, prepared and confident in myself during pregnancy and labour. By my third labour my doula and my partner worked together like a finely tuned machine and it was a very easy birth thanks to them. My postpartum doula was an angel in helping me adjust to being a mother of a very tiny preterm baby, helping me build my milk supply, being with me during consults with lactation consultants, bringing me food, letting me sleep, teaching me soothing techniques. We hired her again when we transitioned from a family of 3 to 4 as potty training seem to regress and tantrums amped up with our firstborn. All the while, she remained calm and really taught me take care of myself. She was like a non-judgemental older sister providing me encouragement and confidence in my own abilities as a mom. It was after she ‘worked herself out of a job’ and we said goodbye that I felt like every mother new or experienced deserves to feel the way I do.
After a difficult time finding a daycare that would take both my kids (childcare spaces were tight in our small community) I made a bold decision to open my own daycare and also became involved in the local forest nursery school program. We welcomed our 3rd child and I only took about 2 weeks off from running the daycare and I was back up and running with a full house and nursing a newborn! We hired a mother’s helper to assist with some of the care of our children, meal preparation and the loads and loads of laundry we now had. She was just as important to us as our postpartum doula and soon became like another member of our family. Although it was an incredibly draining time for me both physically and emotionally, I felt like for the most part I was in my element, offering a nurturing and nourishing environment to children, providing parent education when asked and it was just a bonus that my own children got to be with me during my work hours. However, despite my busyness, I must’ve given off some sort of vibe because occasionally my partner and I would have conversations about our doulas and maybe that might be something for me to pursue in distant future. I am forever grateful that I had a successful daycare and it gave me confidence to pursue another form of self employment even if I wasn’t quite ready for it.
As our children got a little older, we started feeling that pull to return home so that our children would have a strong relationship with their grandparents. We made the big move to Halifax NS in late 2017. We felt privileged to be able to be closer to home, which is technically New Brunswick for both of us, we lapped up the ocean, took many trips to and from NB to spend quality time with family. I took a few years off to ensure my children felt comfortable and secure in their new surroundings, I volunteered at their elementary school, made an effort to meet the parents of my children’s friends and reconnected with old friends. I soon felt that urge again, that desire to provide service that was meaningful to me and helpful to others. My partner probably mentioned taking doula training 7 times before I finally stated ‘I think I’m going to be a postpartum doula’. I’ll never forget that face he made when I came to this realization, picture patience, happiness, excitement and exasperation all in one. He’s been an amazing support and sounding board as I began my journey into the doula profession. He believes in the power of doulas and he believes in me. I found a DONA doula trainer who convinced me to take both the birth and postpartum trainings as they really build on one another. And I am so glad I did. I love both sides of it! Doulaing (totally a word as well) has filled that urge as I am able to provide parents and growing families education, support, confidence and love. I am continuously humbled and feel truly blessed to be part of the lives of families I am fortunate to work with. So there is is, my deep dive, my risk, my long winding journey into the world of birth work. And I’m very happy to be here.
