How to include your older children in your home birth.
Aqua doula and home birth mama
The way you choose to birth can leave you feeling empowered and set you up for success for the next journey — postpartum healing, caring for a newborn and finding your groove in motherhood and parenting with your partner. A home birth is one way some women choose to give birth and channel that power. In Nova Scotia, home birth regulations state that the mother must be experiencing a low risk pregnancy and there must be 2 midwives available for the birth.
For second time, third time and beyond moms and blended families, they may want to include their older children in the birthing process. Here some tips from moms I know and moms around the web who had home births and involved their older children in the whole thing. I’ve separated them into 2 categories; toddlers/preschoolers and school age children.
Toddlers and Preschoolers
Talk to your child about birth in a simple and clear way, use words that they will understand.
If possible include your child in your prenatal visits and ultrasound appointments. Encourage your children to ask questions about the process if time permits.
Children learn through play, therefore it might be helpful to ‘play labour’ together, taking turns who is the mommy and who is the midwife/birth partner/doula.
Make a ‘help mommy basket’ for when labour begins. In the basket include activities that they can do on their own such as puzzles, colouring pages, a doll, clean t-shirts for mommy, water bottles with extra straws, facecloths, a mini massager, snacks for them and for you. Basically a mini doula bag.
Talk about where the birth is going to take place (ie: in a birthing tub, in your bedroom), but also prepare them for the fact that if the baby or mommy needs extra help the baby may be born in the hospital.
Discuss how babies come at weird times and decide whether you will wake your child up for the birth if it is in the wee hours of the morning.
Always have backup childcare at the house. The childcare provider should be comfortable with long hours and potentially moving the childcare to their place.
School age children/Teenagers
Have a conversation about whether your child wants to be present for the birth and/or participate. I believe children at this age should be given the option of whether they want to be there for the birth.
If you haven’t done so yet, talk about the birthing process, stages of labour, childbirth and afterwards. Go into details that you feel are appropriate, talk about the emotional and physical processes of labour.
If they choose to be involved and it’s an option, encourage them to attend prenatal appointments or ultrasounds. If time permits, encourage them to be involved in your care, by asking questions during the appointments.
Ensure they are comfortable with birth team, encourage them to participate in meetings with the doula and the midwifery team.
Have conversations around what they would like to do during labour and birth. Take pictures, make light snacks, make the birth announcement to the extended family etc.
Explain the back up plan (if mom or baby need medical attention), have childcare/emotional support lined up (whether they go to a friends place or someone comes over to be with them).
Give them the option of debriefing the birth with the family, a doula or if necessary a trained therapist.
If you’re looking for list of items needed for a home birth please see the extensive checklist prepared for you by the Association of Ontario Midwives.
I hope these tips are helpful. And remember however you choose to give birth, may it be an empowering and a wonderful experience for you and the whole family.
