Let’s talk about sex, babies and relationships with our kids.
I don’t know about you, but my kids always seemed to ask about sex or where babies come from at the most in opportune times. For example, just before a flu shot, or when we’re dropping off at preschool, or as they are changing for swim lessons. And I always try and answer those questions in the moment, but it’s never really what I want to say because there’s no time to get into the real stuff. And of course the day goes on and I forget that the questions was even asked.
Both my partner and I have always answered our kids’ questions around sex, babies, relationships in what we hope were age appropriate terms yet non judgemental. When they were just learning to talk, we taught them the correct terms of their ‘private parts’ and didn’t make a bit deal when they would yell something like “I bumped my vagina on the piano bench again, ouch!” When they were older and started asking questions at those very busy transitions, we would answer as best we could in the little time we had. I would try and follow up later (if I remembered). We explained in simple terms and it go something like this:
“moms have eggs and dads have sperm and when those things come together they create a baby that would grow inside a mom’s belly. When the belly gets really big, that’s when baby is ready to meet the world. The baby comes out either the belly or the vagina”.
That was good enough for a long time in my house, but little by little they wanted to know more, they wanted to know the how’s, why’s and the when’s about it all.
So I figured over this past summer I wanted to do the whole kit and kaboodle because I’m a doula, this is what I do for a living. I read a book called “Beyond Birds & Bees” by Bonnie J Rough and I enlisted the help of a wonderful book called “It’s So Amazing” by Robie H Harris and Michael Emberley. We started off talking about what relationships feel like, how trust and respect are important in relationships, how to build trust, how to show respect to each other, how each and everybody’s body is special. We also covered love and loving someone outside your family it a special and unique way. We breifly discussed sexual orientation as well. These topic ideas mainly came from the Beyond Birds and Bees book, which I wish was around when I was younger and asking my parents about this stuff.
Next we dove into the science and phsycial side of sex. That’s where the “It’s so Amazing” book came in handy. It has wonderful and amazingly accurate drawings and descriptions in a comic book template that is so accessible for children from about 6 years and up. We read about and saw pictures of what’s inside the female body and what’s inside the male body. We discussed when puberty starts and how things start to change by inside and outside of our bodies. We also learned how our reproductive systems work by themselves (dubbed in the book “the great egg race and the great sperm race”) and finally how those two systems can work together (called “the big race, when egg and sperm meet”).
“It’s So Amazing” covers many things and although my youngest tapped out after knowing how a baby is made, my older two went on to learn other ways babies come into families (the book covers assisted reproductive technology, surrogacy, adoption). They also learned about different family systems, the care given to pregnant women by midwives, OB-Gyns, family doctors, the development of a fetus, and of course the ways women can give birth (vaginally or ceasaren section). They also covered the topics of living with a new baby (from a sibling perspective), what do to with a baby and basic ways they can help take care of the baby. It’s So Amazing stays on our book shelf in the living room now and I occasionally see the kids reach for it and thumb through it. My daughter is fascinated by the pages of the developing fetus, while my sons seem to like the more “sciency” related pages. I feel now, if we are pressed for time and questions come up that get quickly answered, the kids have an alternate resource they can rely on if they want more information.
“Beyond Birds and Bees” and “It’s so Amazing” - great additions in your parent tool box for talking about sex, relationships and everything in between.
If you’re birth or postpartum client (past of present), please know that you’re always welcome to borrow any of the books that I have in my personal library.
Happy Family Friday everyone.
