5 ways to cultivate a daily meditation practice

I have a long and somewhat complicated relationship with meditation. It all started when my mother’s cancer diagnosis got bumped up to a stage IV. My mother, of course remained optimistic probably more for us kids than for herself. However, I experienced some clear signs of being stressed out by her health. It started slowly with sleep troubles, mainly broken sleep, then I gradually experienced more and more physical symptoms such as sensitivities to food, digestive issues, headaches and finally a lump in my throat that just wouldn’t go away. It got to the point where I found it hard to swallow so I made an appointment with my amazing GP at the time (he is now enjoying retirement with his wife, his children and their spouses and of course his grandkiddos). After he checked me over, he started asking me questions about what’s going on in my life. I matter-of-fact(ly) told him about my mother and he told me that my symptoms were a stress reaction, and my brain is telling me to deal with this and fast. He, then asked me if I had anyone that I could really talk to about this and told me to try just living in the present and enjoying the time I had left with my mother, however long that might be. I started crying in his office and being the amazing doctor that he was just stayed with me until I was ready to go, no rushing to check on other patients, he was just present. It was probably the first time I experienced someone holding space for me — which wasn’t even a thing back then. As I gathered myself up, he gave me a piece of paper with a few books on meditation scribbled on it and a ‘maybe give this a try’. On my way home I stopped in at the local bookstore, pick up one of the books he recommended and then called my friend Kiran and let it all out. That was almost 12 years ago.

Since then, I have continued to grow my meditation practice albeit inconsistently. At some points, I was super into it and would do it every night for a few months. Other times I would come back to it when I felt like I was trying to control things that didn’t need to be controlled, during all three of pregnancies, or when my kids had a difficult week getting along, or when I would start to feel more anxious, or just needing to accept change. To be honest, recently I have only been mediating whenever I get on the yoga mat and I’ve definitely favored the movement of yoga over the meditation. However, a few days ago I joined a challenge on instagram to meditate everyday for 41 days in honor of someone’s 41st birthday. I jumped in as I thought it a sign to encourage me to make meditation a more consistent practice. Here’s why: when I have been consistent with my meditation practice, I am definitely more present and I don’t tend to skip too far ahead in future. I also have clear mind and I like to think that I have more patience with my children. I feel completed zen’D out and relaxed afterwards, not in a way that makes me want to sleep, but I’m just more chill. I need more chill these days. Other times after meditation I feel as the only way I can describe it as light as air.

Although I’m only a few days into this challenge, I have kept my approach very similar to the book that I picked up a dozen years ago. I think the book was simply called ‘Meditation Techniques’ (I have since passed it on to another kind soul) and it had a CD with it that I put on my itunes. The tracks weren’t music, but more like a gong sound to start and two gongs to end, with rain sound in between. As I did 12 years ago, I begin by sitting on the floor or in a straight back chair with armrests, I close my eyes and start breathing deeply. I occasionally turn on music, but it’s not necessary then I just sit. My mind will wander and I allow it, acknowledge it without judgement and then come back to my breath. Sometimes I will choose a single word or an affirmation to repeat when my mind wanders. I occasionally get uncomfortable and I accept that too. Sometimes I’ll sit with the discomfort for awhile and continue meditating, while other days I don’t and that’s okay. Meditation is great that way, it will always be there for you without judgement.

If meditation is something you would like to try I think I’ll cover some basics first. I practice mindfulness meditation and it’s defined as a way of stilling your mind so that you can remove the clutter both internally and externally and find a place of calm. Meditation is safe to practice at any point in your life including pregnancy and postpartum. Some of the researched benefits of meditation include better sleep, enhanced mood (aka feeling chilled out), less reactive to stress, deeper and more fulfilling relationships (including that of a growing baby still inside a mother) and can help maintain a healthy weight. I should also note that meditation may not be for everyone. In some people meditation can increase symptoms of anxiety or depression. If this sounds like you, please speak with your care provider, because there may other options like movement meditation, meditation apps. Now that we’ve covered the basics (and the disclaimer) lets get into the ways you can cultivate your practice today.

Set up for success

Find a place that is relatively quiet and hopefully free from distractions. Consider the time of day that might work best for you. Most folks find it easier to meditate in the morning before the business of the day takes over. Others like to do it lying down before bed. It doesn’t matter what time of day you meditate, but for the first little while it might be helpful to keep note of when you’re more likely to experience some of the outcomes listed above such as; a feeling of calmness . Ensure this place has a comfortable place to sit or even lie down. Feel free to put on some relaxing music preferably instrumental or nature sounds. Dim the lights or light a candle if you’re feeling it, introduce some essential oils if that’s something you’re into. Just remember to keep the stimulation in the environment on the low side, especially if you’re just starting out or coming back to meditation after some time away.

Check in to check out

Once you’re settled into a comfortable position, check in with your body. During prenatal visits with my birth clients I do a little activity called progressive relaxation. I guide my clients through a series of muscle tension and release starting from the bottom (feet) and working all the way up to the top (face). We match our inhale with tensing the muscle and the exhale with the complete relaxation of the muscle. After this physical check in, I find it easier to then check in with the emotional side. While deeply breathing, really ask yourself “What am I feeling and where in my body am I feeling this emotion?” Acknowledge the emotion without judgement, allow it to be present and try and breathe it out with kindness and forgiveness if necessary. With practice, this process becomes easier.

Breathe

When you’ve gone through your physical and emotional check in, just focus on your breathing for a several moments. No matter how long you’ve been meditating, there will be days when you may fidget, feel discomfort and your mind may wander. When these reactions happen just repeat the check in: Acknowledge without judgement, allow it to be present, then breathe it out. Sometimes, it may be helpful to repeat a word or affirmation that resonates with you as a way of cuing yourself back to the breathe.

Get playful

I believe there’s no right or wrong way to meditate, but I definitely think its worth a try. Exploring different environments, times of day, different seated or lying down positions are necessary when starting out as I feel it helps you create a mediating routine that you’re comfortable with. I used to enjoy nightly meditations with a soft dim light before bed, but these days I tend to do it first thing in the morning with the curtains closed sitting on my yoga mat. If your mind is too busy, and you’re having a hard time reigning it in, try guided meditations. There are some beautiful and free guided meditations on you tube and spotify just to name a few. Explore different kinds of meditation such as ; loving kindness, movement meditation, spiritual meditation, focused meditation, mantra meditation.

Make it daily

Finally, build your meditation practice into your daily routine. This is something I’m still working on and I’m hoping that this 41 day challenge will help me solidify my commitment to meditation. It might be helpful to create little rituals around the actual act of meditating. Rituals could be; lighting a candle or playing the same song each time you begin or simply closing your bedroom door.

At the end of the day, be patient with yourself. Meditation takes practice, but the journey can be powerful.

References: Mindful Pregnancy by Tracy Donegan; Mindfulness: How to pay attention to the present by Wendy Hobson; Nurture: A modern guide to pregnancy, birth, early motherhood - and trusting yourself and your body by Erica Chidi.